Almost every single time I post something on social media about God being love, about Jesus saying his disciples would be known by their love, someone shows up in the comments with the same response: “But real love means telling people the truth!” And then, like clockwork, comes the baby running into traffic.
A very good and challenging read. While I do have my own theological outlook and perception of sin I must own two things. One, I am not sinless, even according to my own understanding of right and wrong. Two, it is very well possible that I am wrong in some of my core beliefs. However, for me the biggest takeaway is that if someone is truly Christian (not for me to decide), the Holy Spirit WILL guide them towards righteousness and an understanding of right and wrong. We play God when we assume the sanctifying role of the Spirit. It’s far more profitable to show love and lead them to Jesus who is more than able to finish the job. I appreciate you offering this perspective and forcing me to evaluate my interactions with others.
"Maybe the most loving thing we can do is learn to be present without being certain. To offer gentleness without demanding agreement"
Gentleness is a good reframe for me; I hadn't placed that word in this space before but it clicks and works.
I have a difficult time holding my tongue with folks who live the "baby running into traffic" argument. But that's just the point too, I think. No matter what "side" of that argument we sit, presence and gentleness is greater than being right.
Nowhere in the Gospels have I read that Jesus physically stopped Judas from ‘running into the traffic.’ Or the rich young ruler. “Follow me” seemed to be enough?
This is an excellent and insightful word, thank you. I, too, was raised Southern Baptist and taught much the same about hard truth being loving. Thank you for articulating this in such a meaningful way.
A Presbyterian minister once told me his long experience had taught him to "hold your truth lightly." Because you should be always listening and learning, and may come to the realization that maybe you weren't right about something.
This is so good! I too “grew up SBC” after I gave my life to the Lord at 28. I learned more about what to hate than what to love. I learned that every other denomination was going to hell and the SBC would be in heaven. I learned women stayed home and raised the children while her husband was to earn the money and be head of the house even if he sinned greatly against me. I learned I must forgive and forget without questioning. I learned LGBTQ+ were all damned to hell. I tried policing people. But I had the Spirit of God telling me what I was learning was not from Him! I remember Him saying, “I don’t need a sidekick.” I left the SBC in 2018 and divorced last year. I’m loving the Lord and loving others as myself best I can. Thank you!
The last couple days have involved a back and forth between a friend and I about this very issue, and how even if we do accept the reading that certain sexualities are sinful, that we should follow the example Jesus gave us about the most important sins to call out in others (namely hypocrisy and weaponized scripture from the religious authority).
And that regardless of the sin, that calling out should be loving and gentle.
If a person is coming from a place of hatefulness and fear mongering, that's a pretty good sign they've fallen from gentle, loving correction and into sin.
This perspective was so helpful! Thank you. I'm not an exvangelical, but I'm a Christian who is rethinking what it means to live my life following in his footsteps. I'm frequently around family members who strongly call out everyone they believe to be sinning, according to his word. Your explanation about treating adults like babies without agency was perfect. This is a much-needed reminder that God's message is always love!
This is so good! Really my first inkling that I needed to re-evaluate some of my stances was when I was thinking about parenting rules and thought about my own parents who had grown up very differently from the way they raised us. But they were some of the best people I knew! And of course they told us that was despite their failures and to the glory of God's grace, but it reminded me there is not just one way to a well-lived Christian life. It broke the illusion that doing everything the right (or only or sanctioned or whatever) way didn't always add up to the perfection we sought. There was obviously more room for error than I believed. That took the pressure off of my getting every parenting decision right (or doing it exactly like my parents). Eventually I learned that it isn't all error, some of it is difference of opinion or context. But I was so afraid to ask any questions for so long because of teachings on tough love and truth-telling.
I grew up Pentecostal rather than SBC, but the "yanking the baby from the traffic" analogy was alive and well there, too. Great analysis of the core problem....desire for power and determination to prove we're right. I'm always intrigued by people who think I'm taking the easy way out when I say loving people is how we will be known as Christ's followers. In my experience it's far easier to speak "hard truths" than it is to love in the pattern of Christ.
A very good and challenging read. While I do have my own theological outlook and perception of sin I must own two things. One, I am not sinless, even according to my own understanding of right and wrong. Two, it is very well possible that I am wrong in some of my core beliefs. However, for me the biggest takeaway is that if someone is truly Christian (not for me to decide), the Holy Spirit WILL guide them towards righteousness and an understanding of right and wrong. We play God when we assume the sanctifying role of the Spirit. It’s far more profitable to show love and lead them to Jesus who is more than able to finish the job. I appreciate you offering this perspective and forcing me to evaluate my interactions with others.
I really appreciated these lines:
"Maybe the most loving thing we can do is learn to be present without being certain. To offer gentleness without demanding agreement"
Gentleness is a good reframe for me; I hadn't placed that word in this space before but it clicks and works.
I have a difficult time holding my tongue with folks who live the "baby running into traffic" argument. But that's just the point too, I think. No matter what "side" of that argument we sit, presence and gentleness is greater than being right.
Such a thoughtful message--and my first introduction to the "baby running into traffic" analogy!
Nowhere in the Gospels have I read that Jesus physically stopped Judas from ‘running into the traffic.’ Or the rich young ruler. “Follow me” seemed to be enough?
This is an excellent and insightful word, thank you. I, too, was raised Southern Baptist and taught much the same about hard truth being loving. Thank you for articulating this in such a meaningful way.
This is so good. What a great sermon it would be!
A Presbyterian minister once told me his long experience had taught him to "hold your truth lightly." Because you should be always listening and learning, and may come to the realization that maybe you weren't right about something.
This is so good! I too “grew up SBC” after I gave my life to the Lord at 28. I learned more about what to hate than what to love. I learned that every other denomination was going to hell and the SBC would be in heaven. I learned women stayed home and raised the children while her husband was to earn the money and be head of the house even if he sinned greatly against me. I learned I must forgive and forget without questioning. I learned LGBTQ+ were all damned to hell. I tried policing people. But I had the Spirit of God telling me what I was learning was not from Him! I remember Him saying, “I don’t need a sidekick.” I left the SBC in 2018 and divorced last year. I’m loving the Lord and loving others as myself best I can. Thank you!
Such a timely message!
The last couple days have involved a back and forth between a friend and I about this very issue, and how even if we do accept the reading that certain sexualities are sinful, that we should follow the example Jesus gave us about the most important sins to call out in others (namely hypocrisy and weaponized scripture from the religious authority).
And that regardless of the sin, that calling out should be loving and gentle.
If a person is coming from a place of hatefulness and fear mongering, that's a pretty good sign they've fallen from gentle, loving correction and into sin.
This perspective was so helpful! Thank you. I'm not an exvangelical, but I'm a Christian who is rethinking what it means to live my life following in his footsteps. I'm frequently around family members who strongly call out everyone they believe to be sinning, according to his word. Your explanation about treating adults like babies without agency was perfect. This is a much-needed reminder that God's message is always love!
This is so good! Really my first inkling that I needed to re-evaluate some of my stances was when I was thinking about parenting rules and thought about my own parents who had grown up very differently from the way they raised us. But they were some of the best people I knew! And of course they told us that was despite their failures and to the glory of God's grace, but it reminded me there is not just one way to a well-lived Christian life. It broke the illusion that doing everything the right (or only or sanctioned or whatever) way didn't always add up to the perfection we sought. There was obviously more room for error than I believed. That took the pressure off of my getting every parenting decision right (or doing it exactly like my parents). Eventually I learned that it isn't all error, some of it is difference of opinion or context. But I was so afraid to ask any questions for so long because of teachings on tough love and truth-telling.
I’ve never heard the “baby in traffic analogy,” but you explained it well and redirected traffic brilliantly. I saw what you did their. 😉
I grew up Pentecostal rather than SBC, but the "yanking the baby from the traffic" analogy was alive and well there, too. Great analysis of the core problem....desire for power and determination to prove we're right. I'm always intrigued by people who think I'm taking the easy way out when I say loving people is how we will be known as Christ's followers. In my experience it's far easier to speak "hard truths" than it is to love in the pattern of Christ.
Truth without love is a clanging gong.
Wow. This gave me a lot to think about. I loved every word.
As always, excellent read❤️❤️