This is what needs to be said. I am a Christian today because I had the model of my father, a geologist, wrestle with the issue of short age creationism and come to the other side with his Christian faith intact, and his vision of God larger. When I later discovered that I was gay, his earlier struggle helped me through that dark valley and into the light of God‘s greater grace. …. What you are doing in your writing is vital for so many.
Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him. So Jesus asked the twelve, “Do you also wish to go away?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.”(John 6:66-68) NRSV
You mentioned a few days ago that your deconstructed started in 2016. Mine and my husband’s started in 2017 when our UMC fired our longtime accompanist after he married his partner. We were the family that was at the church every time the doors were open. Our kids practically lived at the church. But as they grew they started telling me and their dad that the people at the church didn’t believe the same way we did. Their youth group leaders had said some really outrageous things. They didn’t want to go to church anymore. We told them that every group has its outliers. We didn’t understand we were the outliers. We left that UMC and moved to another. I watched the “traditional vs progressive” debates intensely. When the General Conference voted to uphold the vile language in the BoD, we left the UMC. As life-long UMCers (husband’s father was a UMC minister in MO), this was a HUGE blow to our psyches. But we didn’t leave God or his/her/their love. We held fast to that and have developed a faith and understanding that we never would have had we just continued to sit in our pews at that old church. After all the drama settled down and the changed language, we are back to the UMC. Our children still don’t go to church, but they appreciate the people who told them such terrible things are the broken ones. My husband and I are so thankful we showed our children that we meant it when we said God’s love is boundless- we can’t even comprehend that kind of love. I pray that more folks would let go of fear and just bask in the love and grace which rains down on everyone.
I raised 3 children at the height of Dobson's rein of bad theology and heartless, conditional parenting. We bought the books, listened to the radio shows, and tried to implement his ideas.
Fortunately we were also pastors and Bible College graduates and the Holy Spirit was and still is our teacher. The ideas just didn't resonate with what we knew and had experienced in our walk with Jesus. So long story - here's the short version our three adult children, two of whom are now parents giving us 6 amazing grandchildren, are loving, emotionally stable, and our best 'friends'.
Many people believe that if the face of the problem is removed, that will solve the problem. This obviously isn't the case, as witnessed by the events that occurred in November of 2020 all the way through to now. The disease runs deep. The fight must continue...for the children in the pews, and for the many that are more than willing to take Dobson's place.
Thank you so much for writing this. I raised my kids (now all adults) under this toxic theology. I must admit that my heart may have leapt for joy a little bit when I heard the news of Dobson's death. (Maybe not ok, but it's the truth.) I know his death doesn't stop the machine from humming right along.
My family began "deconstructing" decades ago-- long before it was a word I'd ever heard. There was no one to guide or support us through it and I was often filled with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. God faithfully peeled back layer after layer, revealing a much bigger truth of his love for us and for others.
I just wanted to say thank you for the work you're doing. It's so important. You're providing others with the knowledge and support I wish I had years ago. 🙏🏽
Thank you, Beau. "This One Death" -- and your good, good writing about it -- reminds me... I need to pray and walk and talk to mama-friends and try to remember how this tragic theology and terrible advice crept into my parenting -- and being a person -- in the early 2000s. And then I have some repair work to do with my adult kids. ("Adventures in Apology!") They aren't mad at me. They might not even remember. But I desperately wish my posture had been... softer. It is humbling, thinking how I even halfway bought in. Remembering/repairing is one way I will continue the fight. One way I will announce: God gave us a more beautiful Story.
I consider it normal for Christians to debate what God views as important and struggle to balance the totality of Jesus sacrifice with the alignment of our lives to Biblical truths. I also believe that leaving America or leaving the church because of disagreements is not a long term answer when we have clarity that our view is the truth. Why be pushed out of our great grandparent’s institutions by extremism?
This is what needs to be said. I am a Christian today because I had the model of my father, a geologist, wrestle with the issue of short age creationism and come to the other side with his Christian faith intact, and his vision of God larger. When I later discovered that I was gay, his earlier struggle helped me through that dark valley and into the light of God‘s greater grace. …. What you are doing in your writing is vital for so many.
Thanks for sharing that Shawn. There is a lot of work to be done. I appreciate your encouragement!
Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him. So Jesus asked the twelve, “Do you also wish to go away?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.”(John 6:66-68) NRSV
You mentioned a few days ago that your deconstructed started in 2016. Mine and my husband’s started in 2017 when our UMC fired our longtime accompanist after he married his partner. We were the family that was at the church every time the doors were open. Our kids practically lived at the church. But as they grew they started telling me and their dad that the people at the church didn’t believe the same way we did. Their youth group leaders had said some really outrageous things. They didn’t want to go to church anymore. We told them that every group has its outliers. We didn’t understand we were the outliers. We left that UMC and moved to another. I watched the “traditional vs progressive” debates intensely. When the General Conference voted to uphold the vile language in the BoD, we left the UMC. As life-long UMCers (husband’s father was a UMC minister in MO), this was a HUGE blow to our psyches. But we didn’t leave God or his/her/their love. We held fast to that and have developed a faith and understanding that we never would have had we just continued to sit in our pews at that old church. After all the drama settled down and the changed language, we are back to the UMC. Our children still don’t go to church, but they appreciate the people who told them such terrible things are the broken ones. My husband and I are so thankful we showed our children that we meant it when we said God’s love is boundless- we can’t even comprehend that kind of love. I pray that more folks would let go of fear and just bask in the love and grace which rains down on everyone.
You’ve had quite the journey. I’ve found such refuge in the UMC after being raised southern Baptist. I appreciate you sharing your story!
I raised 3 children at the height of Dobson's rein of bad theology and heartless, conditional parenting. We bought the books, listened to the radio shows, and tried to implement his ideas.
Fortunately we were also pastors and Bible College graduates and the Holy Spirit was and still is our teacher. The ideas just didn't resonate with what we knew and had experienced in our walk with Jesus. So long story - here's the short version our three adult children, two of whom are now parents giving us 6 amazing grandchildren, are loving, emotionally stable, and our best 'friends'.
Keep up the good fight!
Many people believe that if the face of the problem is removed, that will solve the problem. This obviously isn't the case, as witnessed by the events that occurred in November of 2020 all the way through to now. The disease runs deep. The fight must continue...for the children in the pews, and for the many that are more than willing to take Dobson's place.
This is so good. And so important. Thank you.
Thanks, Judy! Hope you and Dave are doing well. Sure do miss you guys!
Thank you so much for writing this. I raised my kids (now all adults) under this toxic theology. I must admit that my heart may have leapt for joy a little bit when I heard the news of Dobson's death. (Maybe not ok, but it's the truth.) I know his death doesn't stop the machine from humming right along.
My family began "deconstructing" decades ago-- long before it was a word I'd ever heard. There was no one to guide or support us through it and I was often filled with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. God faithfully peeled back layer after layer, revealing a much bigger truth of his love for us and for others.
I just wanted to say thank you for the work you're doing. It's so important. You're providing others with the knowledge and support I wish I had years ago. 🙏🏽
This means so much Jackie. Thank you!
Thank you, Beau. "This One Death" -- and your good, good writing about it -- reminds me... I need to pray and walk and talk to mama-friends and try to remember how this tragic theology and terrible advice crept into my parenting -- and being a person -- in the early 2000s. And then I have some repair work to do with my adult kids. ("Adventures in Apology!") They aren't mad at me. They might not even remember. But I desperately wish my posture had been... softer. It is humbling, thinking how I even halfway bought in. Remembering/repairing is one way I will continue the fight. One way I will announce: God gave us a more beautiful Story.
This “We can raise kids who know that God’s love isn’t something they have to earn”. ❤️
I consider it normal for Christians to debate what God views as important and struggle to balance the totality of Jesus sacrifice with the alignment of our lives to Biblical truths. I also believe that leaving America or leaving the church because of disagreements is not a long term answer when we have clarity that our view is the truth. Why be pushed out of our great grandparent’s institutions by extremism?
I appreciated this Beau. Thanks for writing and sharing.
I had very similar thoughts with Dobsons death, the man has died but Focus on the Family lives on. So glad you have written this.