What I Still Haven’t Figured Out
A quiet confession about what lingers after evangelicalism
When I wrote Dear Evangelical Me, I thought I was closing a chapter.
Turns out…I was opening a wound I hadn’t touched in years.
The past few days have stirred something I didn’t expect…this strange blend of sadness, affection, and spiritual muscle memory. I’ve been remembering things I thought I’d forgotten. And feeling things, I thought I’d healed from.
Like the way I still try to make every prayer sound “anointed.” Or how I walk into a mainline church and catch myself thinking, Where’s the holy spirit fire?
Or how I still hesitate to say, “I don’t know,” because I spent so many years thinking that was a big “no-no".”
This week’s essay was honest. But this video? It’s personal.
In this week’s behind-the-scenes video, I’m sharing a few of the lies I’m still unlearning…and how I’ve started to reimagine faith on the other side of performance, fear, and spiritual certainty.
If you’ve ever left one version of faith only to find its fingerprints still all over your soul…this is for you.
Every Friday, I share a behind-the-scenes video exclusively for paid subscribers. These aren’t polished or packaged. They’re raw, unscripted reflections.
If you’ve ever wanted a deeper look into my writing process, my faith, or the stuff I’m still wrestling with…consider upgrading your subscription.
Love reading your posts and watching videos. Also stirs something that I know as truth or causes me to dig deeper. Thank you for sharing and your transparency Beau!